sympathy Archives - Flannel with Faith

It was small-town America in the 1970’s and 80’s. Basketball and softball games, parties, church gatherings, neighborhood garage sales, bonfires, and face-to-face fun! There was even a time when home visits were scheduled to meet neighbors (gasp!)! Some of us would even Christmas carol during the holidays. Halloween included the whole town, not just one “safe” neighborhood. Everyone knew everyone and everything. A tiny Main Street, a small school, a hometown grocer, a bank, gas stations, and many steeples. The bookmobile even visited in the summer (an idea I had—bring back the mobile bookstore in an RV—The “Roaming Reader”). My community was small, and I still love it.

Growing up in a small community had its advantages. It was tight-knit, similar in people and experiences, and unique to its culture. Shared experiences, good or bad, can bring a community together. They can also separate them. Communities have cliques. Communities aren’t perfect. We’re human-so how can they be? The community from which I recently moved was “made up” of several tiny towns. Before that, a campfire was a central meeting spot to create community at the campground I lived and worked! Do you enjoy your community? Do you feel a sense of community where you live?

Cultivating a cooperative community requires miracles effort. Do we even desire community? Or would we rather keep to ourselves?

Recently, I checked on my near 87 year old neighbor, and retired pastor, Edward. His first words to me were, “Why am I still here?” At his VA check-up he was asked, “Do you ever feel like not being here?” “Of course!,” he replied to the nurse; who looked strangely at him. “Shouldn’t every Christian feel that way?” He told me she laughed in understanding. Edward DOESN’T want to die…he just knows what’s waiting. And he’s lonely. My neighbor to the right of me, Ms. Pat, is so lovely. Across the street is a precious young family (reminds me of my own sons and their families). To the left, another incredible small family. There are several singles, like me, living among the neighborhood. Another neighbor and his wife invited me to church. Generally, we all wave, close our garage doors, and slip into our homes.

Could we start an infection of kind invitations? What if we looked outside of ourselves to SEE others. Yes, it’s hard. It’s not easy to LOVE or even less, just to LIKE (unless you tap it on a screen). Maybe being alone is safer? Or maybe your safety is being only with those who look, think, say, and feel as you.

If we don’t share the same values, beliefs, and experiences, we may not get together for personal coffee chats often. I’ve had situations in which I “morphed” into someone I don’t know. Faith-grown maturity halted that. At my very CORE is a love for God. At your core, who are you? What do you believe? Even if we don’t agree, I will try very hard to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (I want to be VERY FRUITY-Galations 5:22). YOU and I are STILL valued as community members; or should be. A community can’t be created without communication. Certainly, Facebook, Instagram, or other social media outlets are a form of community—there are reasons why I prefer face-to-face. The community in which I’m writing about is not about whether one is married or single. I’m talking about the DESIRE to contribute to the human race. Ironically, many goals and visions of schools in my past included, “To become a productive member of society” (now, let’s add, “ …by working remotely from home, 90% on my device, to develop authentic and long-lasting relationships?) I’m not trying to sound cheeky. It’s my observations.

Why is this on my mind? Last week a dear friend and I had a conversation about this very topic (and our shared “longing” for the mountains). It wasn’t a “coincidence” that community had been on both of our hearts. Both of us have experienced a community campground that is near and dear to our hearts. Two days later I was commenting on a blog post about community. So WHERE do we create community? At our workplace? In a church? At a campground? In our homes?

Workplaces offer unique situations; we don’t CHOOSE who we work around (or most of us don’t). What can WE do to create a sense of community? How do we stop the spread of indifference, unconcern, coldness, insensitivity, passivity, detachment, and boredom? Can we provide a booster shot of care, concern, sensitivity, warmth, passion, interest,…and LOVE? Could we prevent cynicism? Many might criticize modern-day churches due to mixed messages or politics (because we can’t have life without politics, correct?). There are many things I may not agree with in organized religion, but I don’t discredit people, with shared values and beliefs, operating and living with the truth and GOODNESS of God. My truth may not match what you believe to be true. I will listen to yours. Let’s have a dialogue and conversation. You’d also like to talk about a new show you’re watching? I will try to find interest; listen and relate the best I can! Families? Grandkids? Nature? Or history? I’m all about that! Do you know Jesus? I’m really all about him, too.

Last weekend I watched a movie titled, “Land”. After experiencing an unthinkable tragedy, a woman secluded herself in the mountains of Montana. She had no desire to be around humans. The actress, fishing in her flannel, was surrounded by stunning scenery. For many reasons, I could relate. Mountains and the river were her community; then another human came along at just the right time (it helped that they both communicated well with one another after TIME). It’s easy for me to want to seclude myself. It’s easy to be a loner (especially when facing health challenges). After learning to love myself, being alone wasn’t a bother. It can be inconvenient, yes, it can be lonely at times,…but God reminds me I’m NEVER alone. HE COMMUNICATES BEAUTIFULLY.

Heavenly Father, you got me right in the heart, right on time. 💚

Tragedies are occurring daily; friends close to me are living with the unthinkable. Can we reach out? Can we help create a compassionate community? Can we cause a crumbling of comparison and callousness? Will we nurture neighborly? Can we extend an invitation? I’m so thankful for the communities in which I’ve lived, the relationships I’ve had and have now, and the ones I’m left to cultivate during my time here. It’s a bit tricky, given my current health journey, but I can STILL be better at community (my doctor’s office is its own little community filled with amazing humans!). No matter what, surrounded by a loving community or alone, you are loved. 💚

Have faith 💛

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25

Community Call:

Friends (some of you I’ve known my entire life and others for a few days, weeks, months, and years), I’m so thankful for you and our community here. It’s such an authentic and heartwarming place! To keep my creative side growing, I’ve designed 3 logos for Flannel with Faith. I’d love to take a “community” vote on your favorite one. Feel free to join in and choose your favorite! Thank you for being such a collaborative and considerate community. 💕 Your friends, Karla & Finn

Embracing imperfection with faith, flannel, and fresh air

K.L. Hale

People talk. Some more than others (ok…they can be downright nosy!). There was a time in my life that I didn’t want things to be exposed. You know those little things you try to keep hidden down in your soul? We’re all human. And what I have found in my journey is that the fear of exposure comes from the feeling of needing to be loved, appreciated, or even soul-seen. Who will love you once it’s revealed? Do you really want to be exposed? It’s a gamble.

There’s no lack of exposure on T.V. and social media. The career I chose for the first part of my life really had me exposed. The odd thing is that I felt most like me in a school environment or in nature. It did bother me that I was the “face” of a place. There was unnecessary exposure at times. I did feel pressure at times to look and act a certain way and give in to any action that was normal for the group. Thank goodness for kids, teachers, and friends who walked their individual walks like I strived to do. Towards the end of the school years, when my head seemed to begin halting due to some happenings, my heart kept going. Due to my journey I could FEEL what the kids (and adults) felt. I could look into faces of others and SEE their pain and UNDERSTAND. If you’ve been divorced, you understand those going through it. If you’ve moved, you understand those doing the same. If you’ve lost a loved one, you understand those going through loss. If you suffer from illness, you understand others that suffer. IF YOU’RE JUST BEING HUMAN YOU UNDERSTAND THOSE BEING HUMAN. Right? Or I hope.

Saturated in the news and media, particularly in the last two years, are the words “mental health” (more than I’ve heard my entire life). In addition to any physical issues one may have there can also be emotional tolls. Were you raised in an era where feelings were not discussed? If you have read my “Shake it Off” story you’re aware that I received great advice from my Dad to persevere (Mom, too)! Physically speaking I want to be tough. Mentally? I work on it daily with my spiritual AND mental workouts. But that determination, or grit, came from somewhere inside me (between my heart and stomach? My innards?). But being tough isn’t all it’s cracked up to be at times (especially if a “crack” is exposed). I never understood the source; or appreciated it like I do now.

I understand the source now. And I'm never letting it go--I'm going to let it GROW.

How do I feel about being exposed? I actually hesitated putting a new picture of myself here in the WordPress world-it’s exposure! Oh my goodness–she’s blonde (we all know what that means!😉), “Hmmm, I never expected that look!”, or “She’s a picture of health and vitality!”(I actually heard that when in fact there are days I can hardly function). I’d prefer to walk around in a hat with my writing sweats and flannel on 100% of the time. What’s wrong with me? 😉

Our world today is so exposed that we want to be and look the best at all times. Now to be on social media it pays to be a good dancer?! Or if you’re raising children you can become the #1 TikTok Mom or maybe even be a girl guru for good looks with anti-aging products and makeup tips. I know that everyone is just being human– I’m not judging-be you! I’m just not participating in that manner; it doesn’t make it right or wrong-it’s just peace for me. Which leads me to the hardest part of my new journey–marketing myself. It scares me to “get out there” again. But with faith I will continue to forge ahead. I’m a middle-aged empty nester with cracks in my crust, scars on my skin, strength in my soul, and hope in my heart. I’m just me. I’m human. I don’t care to share I cry at times missing my kids and grandkids (who doesn’t?), I don’t care to share I’ve made mistakes (who doesn’t?), I don’t care if others may not understand my pain or my gain (don’t we all have that?),…but see, I DO CARE–NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME, but how you THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. It always feels good if people like you, I get that. But when someone is feeling down it could be due to feeling rejected, mistreated, or misunderstood. There was a time I could have given up. I didn’t really want to–I just got tired of feeling rejected or that I had TO BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTED ME TO BE. And that someone was not God. So I would gear up for the battle between my ego and soul. Don’t get lost feeling like there’s a “normal” checklist you must complete to be a human. When pursuing perfection you may experience being paralyzed.

There’s one gift left under my tree for our gift exchange at my parents’ house. All the other gifts have been mailed to Alaska and Washington (my heart is wrapped in them). The one gift that matters the most to me is the gift of a Savior. The one who has never let me down. The one to whom I’m fully exposed, examined, and exempt from guilt. HE knows my heart. He KNOWS yours. I don’t have to justify any decision; he KNOWS your intent. Do you know him? Maybe you don’t know or believe. We’re only human. But please know this–you are loved. No matter what.
K.L. Hale

I have an exposure story that I was given permission to share. It was a beautiful and unexpectedly warm day in S.W. MO last week (we had a string of spring-like days). I mustered up the courage to load up the car (and Finn) to head to the Grand Village in Branson for another book-signing. A lady walked up to Finn and I and broke down in tears. I immediately jumped up to console her. “May I hug you?” (I know, I know there’s a virus going around BUT STILL…). She shared that she had JUST lost her dog that looked EXACTLY like Finley (she showed me the pic and I cried with her). She felt bad that she had “exposed” her feelings-it was as if she was ashamed. I offered her comfort and a prayer (Finley gave her kisses, too). Before I left the village she walked towards me calling my name. She handed me a bag that contained an ornament that she BOUGHT FOR ME. It made me cry. She told me that God had put Finley and I there to give her comfort. You see, it’s not about a book to me. It’s about a journey. A journey of learning and growing. Another young lady shared that she would like to self-publish. I told her I would help her just as I was helped. I spend HOURS doing what may take someone else ONE hour to do. The learning can be overwhelming. But what is the option? To do nothing. To learn nothing. To sit and pity the pain. That is NOT the life God intended! Here are the pics that I hope make you smile. Several writing friends have shared about “being the light!”…now that’s full exposure!