A Year in Yearning

On By K.L. HaleIn Essay

Rain fell softly at first. Each drop gifted a unique reflection. The thunderclap and lightning strikes reminded me how fast, furious, and loud change can happen. Out of nowhere yearning grew intense like the sudden storm. My mind went to one year ago.

May 11th, 2022-Ozark North Elementary–Guess what? Finn and I go BACK NEXT WEEK (God-willing!)

The 3rd-grade students were such delights. Attentively they sat listening to the writing process presentation (even though Finn TRIED to distract them🐾) Despite the tough winter, spring had sprung with new hope! Another book in the works, future visits with family, traveling around my state, and a renewal of spirit. The day’s celebration ended with cheeseburgers (one for me, one for Finn). That night the pain grew intense. It wouldn’t go away like typical. Within 12 hours I needed a ride to the hospital.

It’s been a year of learning. And yearning. There are dark days. Light breaks through. Family is beside me on the days I think are the end. A new day dawns and they’re still beside me. Most days I stand alone. It’s strange. One day I’m strong and the next day, I can’t move (for example-yesterday versus today). With eager expectation, I’ll seek goodness. Hourly, I’ll count my blessings. I’ll accept the things I cannot change. I might yearn. I’ll definitely learn. We have a beautiful relationship, Faith and me. We know each other so well. No matter what, FAITH NEVER LEAVES.

In a world spinning and sputtering with disasters, deaths, mass shootings, divisiveness, and tragedies…a crazy world filled with messy humans (like me) doing absurd things with little regard to how it impacts others or any thought of how to be civil…in a world that is still filled with beauty and simplicity if we choose to see…how do you find faith? It’s Mental Health Awareness Month-can we do our part by being aware? Put down the phone, look around, call family and friends, and tell someone they’re loved.

For, in the end, love will win. 💚

Have you heard of NET, Yet? 🦓

This Friday, May 12th, I will “celebrate” my first anniversary of this diagnosis by appearing on a local morning show, Ozarks FOX AM (for those on Facebook-@OzarksFOXAM) sometime during the 8am-9am hour, C.S.T. Gage Becker (illustrator of Faith and Finley Tour Missouri) will accompany me to visit about our book journey. You might see “double” with an appearance by my twin. The easiest thing in my life would be to hide. I’d rather write. Not be seen. IF my journey can just help ONE, I must follow the call. Without the support of my family and friends, I wouldn’t be here. Thank you all so much. I love you.

The Springfield ArtsFest lifted my spirits! I hope you enjoy this salute to amazing local Ozarks artists!

Kim Wilsonhttps://www.facebook.com/kimwilsonillustration/
Go Springfield Cardinals!
Ashley McLaughlin https://www.ashleylaren.com/shop
Karrie Evenson https://www.karrieevensonart.com/
https://www.etsy.com/shop/JFTPbyAttie
Seeing Double!! https://chrisaradesigns.square.site/
Nicholas Harazin https://www.kindredwoodworks.com/
Katie March https://www.katiemarchart.com/creations
David Ruggeri https://davidruggeri.com/
Elaine Johnson https://www.etsy.com/shop/ElaineintheMembrane
Beauties on the street!
Is it even a festival without a corndog?
Thank you to the city for clean water stations!
Growth!
Stunning historical homes!
Finn found a friend!
A much-needed stroll
You can’t visit Springfield without a Pineapple Whip!
Andrew Jones https://www.andrewjjonesart.com/
My Alma Mater! Missouri State!
Taneycomo for old-time’s sake with my twin

Have faith 💚

K.L. Hale

102 thoughts on “A Year in Yearning”

    1. Thank you, MAK. I’m very excited to go back~it’s a full circle; literally, same school. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced before.Much love from Finn and me. PS~we have blooms in our yard! 💕🐾💚 🥀

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      5. Mine will all have blue sky regardless of what the weather is doing. 🤣 Karla, I just made a little book out of all the stories from my 1989-90 collection that I found yesterday. I LOVE it!!! Yay social media news diet!

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      6. MAK!!!!! I screamed a bit (sorry I scared you, Finn lol) at what YOU did! Yay for the diet! Have you published it here? Oh I can’t wait to read it! I love you! 🐾🐾🐾

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      8. Oh wow, MAK! I need to learn how to do that! I’m so proud of you! On your Dad’s birthday I’ll be appearing on a local morning show to talk about my my cancer. Tomorrow my one year anniversary. What year was your Dad born? 💛🥰❤️🤗🐾🐾💚

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      10. That’s precious! 🥺❤️ I know you’re doing the FB fasting but you can see it there (lol 😆). I’ll have a YouTube link I’m sure (OzarksFOXAM). I went to the local library today and thought of you. They had area kids’ art work (some of my former students even). I sat at a table and took notes for tomorrow, got a new library card, and voter registration. I got a call last night about my MRI on Tuesday evening and I have an acute sacrum fracture? I was shocked! It’s hurt since my trip to Texas and the nurse asked me if I fell? I don’t remember. But like you, I’ve had bone and hip issue’s BEFORE cancer. The tumor on my T-12 is right at 2 cm and I enhancing lesions on my left hip. Oh boy! I guess hiking the library is all I can do. Oh, MAK. This is crazy. But it could be way worse! It wasn’t on my MRI in February. I’ll try and email this weekend and let you know more. I’ve been researching it sitting here and the things I should NOT be doing, but also what I should. I’m expecting a call from the nurse again this afternoon. There’s really nothing they can do. They had given me more pain medication (Gabapentin) 8 weeks ago but I refuse to take it after a few made me feel crazy. I guess I’m going on 8 weeks with this fracture so maybe it will heal soon! Finn and I send our love! You inspire me so much. I need to learn how to format and just do what you did! Yay! 💛❤️💕🐾🐾🐾💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

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  4. Beautifully said Karla. Community is one of the biggest casualties of an online culture. We are supposedly more connected than ever but a text message can’t replace a hug, an emoji is so token when actual fascia expressions of empathy and laughter and love are missing. The eyes are the windows to the soul for a reason and we all lose when they cannot go dancing with anothers.

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    1. Kate, this poignant and poetic response speaks loudly for many of us. “Community is one of the biggest casualties of an online culture.” Your last sentence will be saved in my notes. “The eyes are the windows to the soul for a reason and we all lose when they cannot go dancing with another”~Kate Duff, my friend and writer.
      You’re beautiful in and out! 💛

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  5. Yes, yes, YES! I believe 100% that LOVE WINS! It is the story of Easter, in a nutshell There will always be Good Fridays and Holy Saturdays when it looks as if Darkness has conquered Light. But those are always followed by Easter Sundays when Hope Incarnate bursts out of the grave, shakes off the dust, and says, “Lo, I am with you always. Even to the end of the age.” Praying that your dark days are fewer and that you will always enjoy the gift of family when they do descend.

    Blessings to you, Karla;

    Russell

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    1. Russell, thank you for reminding me again of the darkness before the resurrection! I was SO embedded in that way of heart during the Easter season and the devotions I was devouring. “Hope Incarnate bursts out of the grave, shakes off the dust, and says, “Lo, I am with you always. Even to the end of the age.”~love wins! I love coming “here” to read and enjoy the thoughts of my fellow sojourners! I always appreciate your wisdom and insight! You know and speak truth! Blessings to you and yours, Russell!

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    1. M.B., you would’ve loved it, my friend. Let’s take a history walk and sip coffee! (I’ll watch my steps as I’m sipping and walking). Thank you for taking me down beautiful paths and stories. I feel all the goodness you share. Much love and hugs! 💕

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    1. Mitch, thank you so much! I really was hoping to have that prayer support as these events, as much as I NEED and desire them, can bring nervousness if I think my body isn’t going to cooperate. I can’t wait to share about the too many strong days! You’re such a dear support to me!

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  8. I am in the middle of writing a sermon for this coming Sunday and your words have given me much inspiration. Our Lord promised to never leave us alone – He is loving us to the end – through his Spirit and through those loving Him by loving one another. This year for you has proven that in spades – thank you for your testimony of faith, Karla.

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    1. I am touched by your words, Erika. It’s been my number one goal to share God’s never ending faith and love, if we choose. There’s NO other reason why I’m still here. None! Thank you for being a light in this world. Praying for your weekly presentations of faith, truth, and love! Love, Karla

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      1. Oh thank you, Karla! I am but a mere Lay Pastoral Associate who has the privilege of presiding over services when the “REAL” pastor is gone. It is humbling to say the least – to step forward and proclaim the Good News and I take very seriously how important the words God speaks through me are. One never knows who needs to hear them and I pray they touch every one some way. Blessing to you – dear light in this world.

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      2. You’re welcome, Erika! What a wonderful and important messenger you are! You are the “real” deal! I know the great lengths you must conquer to ensure you’re delivering what God is giving you to speak. I’m proud of you! Blessings to you and all who hear! 💛

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  9. This is extraordinary Karla. Oh how I pray your revisit to Ozark Elementary is fulfilling and uplifting. You are always in my prayers, and I know you are special to God, because I this gentle flow of love shoots right through my body whenever I say your name! May this gentle flow of love travel from my heart to yours sweet Karla. Love you, hugs, C

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    1. Aww, “gentle flow of love shoots through your body”,…C, that made my heart smile. I feel that when I see your name! Your feedback on my writing is appreciated (not as much as the love I feel 🙃😘). I receive these prayers and soak in the words of my friends lifting me, as does God daily! I feel your love through the “open line” we have. I hope you feel mine! 💕🥰🤗

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  10. Good words for us all, Karla. Thank you. I sense it took uncommon effort to write this time. The effort shines through the shiny writing. What stood out to me were these words.

    “Most days I stand alone. It’s strange.” Standing alone is an interesting calling, and strange to many if not most. And it is a calling, a divine calling. I used to get so wrapped up in wanting people around, needing people around, I thought. Turns out, what I needed was to be alone. Alone with my God Who lives within me by His indwelling Spirit. Our God has been bringing me into the beauty of being alone with Him over the last few years. It is a gift, a state I long for more and more. I am pretty sure you understand this.

    “One day I’m strong and the next day, I can’t move (for example-yesterday versus today).” How our God is at work! My guess is that these “weak” days, which are harder for you than for most right now, are also His gift. He would wean us all from our own strength. That is painful, and a bit frightening. It is necessary if we would go on into our God.

    “With eager expectation, I’ll seek goodness.” Yes. To seek our God is to seek goodness. Ultimately, though many never catch on, to seek true goodness is to seek our God.

    “We have a beautiful relationship, Faith and me. We know each other so well.” Yes, you do have a beautiful relationship with faith. It shines through your writings now more than ever. It inspires many. It inspires me.

    “No matter what, FAITH NEVER LEAVES.” Right you are. The gifts of our God never leave, for He never leaves. “The gifts and calling of God are irrevocable,” so say the scriptures.

    Great stuff, Karla. I appreciate your thoughts-turned-into-words. There is much on which to think and chew. Our God’s richest and best to you in the remainder of this day and this week, my “friend I have yet to meet.”

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    1. Tim, I always enjoy reading your response. Our lives parallel in so many ways. Your walk in faith, your career and how you’re impacting so many lives, the miles you travel, the life you led. You get it! Because of Christ we will always “get it” when it comes to our thoughts and writing. You knew this took me great effort. You are right. Two years ago I could write 750 words in about 15 minutes and they could be “decent”. Tears are flowing as I type this~it takes me time now, I doubt them too much, my arms start hurting, my eyes get blurry,…I try so very hard, Tim, to do what I can to spread hope and faith.
      It was in being alone that I learned to become DEPENDENT on Christ. I didn’t have to “fit” a mold or someone’s profile. If I couldn’t live by truth, and become someone I’m not or pretend to be, than it was best God have me alone. I’d rather be lonely and have Christ lifting me, than be with that which is not my authentic Christ-loving self. Like you stated, “It is a gift.” If you and Jackson ever get to MO I want to have coffee and a Spirit talk about the beautiful places on our Earth, the students and adults you’re reaching, and the fun love we have with our furry companions! I’m lifting you daily in prayers, my friend! Please be safe on your travels and keep spreading the message of love and truth! I hope the strength you find in our Creator provides the best coming days! Finn says hi to Jackson (woof!). Sip sip hooray to our amazing Creator, faith, friendship, and coffee! Tee hee 💚🐾 ☕️

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  11. A great post, Karla! You are right life can changein a moment like loud clap of thunder. But behind all the thunder and lightning we must listen for that still small voice! The one that says no matter what happens, I love you!
    You are doing so very well. Love all your art festival photos. Keep on keeping on!

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    1. Dwight, such truth! It is that SMALL voice in the thunder and lightning! Yes!! I love you too and your family is so precious to me. I’ll keep on keepin’ on! Thank you for your encouragement always!

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  12. Words can only touch the side your mountain of faith karla. How does one describe such a faith that is everything? Both visible and mostly invisible. You touch eternity this way and yet live to share. I read today that we are wind walkers ( The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.) John 3:8
    Still praying

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    1. Gary, wind walkers. That will stay with me. It lifts me! It is hard to describe such a faith~and living to share it. Your family is on my prayer list, Gary. Thank you for your prayers and support. I’m going to bookmark this verse and share with my friends. Gary, when, (or have you?) do you leave for your amazing adventure? How’s your daughter and family? Blessings!

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      1. Such a familiar verse but I always glossed over the little phrase “So is everyone who is born of the Spirit”
        I leave in 3 days Karla, Lord willing. Tw of our guys just had accidents. One cannot go and one will be able to (I think). Life and you know can change on a dime or on a nick in time as you know. Two weeks after that I will do it again with a different group, different purpose (again, Lord willing). I get to tag along and fill in leadership when needed…I’ll write about it in June sometime.

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      2. I’m sorry to hear of their accidents, happy that there’s still a trip. I’ll be praying for BOTH trips and look forward to reading about the adventures and the spirit-filled adventures that accompany your words! Stay safe and blessed!

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    1. John, I’m singing now. Happy Thursday, my friend. I just prayed for you 45 minutes ago. Each morning I begin my day early with coffee and quiet time. I speak MANY names (many friends from this community). I have names written, yours included, that I pray over when I’m at my desk. Yes! Here’s to all the above in your precious comment! You’re such a wonderful support to me! I do pray you are doing well. 😊

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      1. yes, Karla and thanks for your continual prayers; I can feel their strength coming through 🙂 you seem to be growing in strength and grace each day 🙂

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  15. Faith is a beautiful love, built from so many things a heart can do Karla. We test it so often how can it not be as powerful as love, moving many mountains, physically or emotionally. I have no doubt your journey has indeed polished it beyond words to a rare and amazing thing. When you touch inside as you have it becomes something else, an unconditional faith because a completeness in that trust and hope come together, a completeness…because you finally ‘let go’ this world and rest into an acceptance that only unconditional love can be. Into His arms and accept Him unreservedly wherever you may be. And oh yes to helping a one or a thousand, your journey has great power…I hear your step, and another, and another, giving me courage to do the same, let go and accept Him, knowing that there is a destiny in it all and we have indeed been cheered on in those steps as only faith can do. Big cheers and hugs from over here, to you and Finn, and lots of unconditional love that I have found along the way.
    P.S. I really let go today, an old friend turned up so I went overboard and had a good old fashioned, paper wrapped greasy pile of fish and chips for lunch. First one in three years… it was heaven… almost 🤣❤️🙏

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    1. Dear Mark, often people might think God tests our faith. It’s just life! Undoubtedly HE is there when circumstances are tough or easier. I never think God is “up there” saying, “Well, I’m gonna throw ONE more thing at her!”lol! I guess that’s why I don’t blame God for things that happen, when I don’t understand, I just KNOW he’s in ever step…SO, with all that said I appreciate what you wrote~”We test it so often how can it not be as powerful as love, moving many mountains, physically or emotionally.” WE TEST IT! Yes, I’ve made some icky choices that make me question my own sanity, lol, and God is there when I let it go and because of that, and HIS grace and comfort, I can grow my faith even more! Then my communion with HIM grows even more. Better choices are then made. Well, I’d choose fish and chips too when I can! Sometimes we just HAVE to (you know how much I LOVE French fries! Lol). I’m so glad you were able to enjoy your friend and after 3 years, a tasty treat! You deserve it, Mark! I appreciate your words that are always wrapped in love and wisdom! I’m waving and sending love! Finn gives a high five with her itty bitty paw! We love you! ✝️💛🙏🏻

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      1. And much love returned in kind dear lady, with a slightly greasy hand wave from over here too 🤣 And most certainly a joyous thing I found in His love to me…that it is unconditional too, so that we can appreciate all that we adventure into, by drawing to us those very things so that we can discover His love. Even those things that seem a horror give us an appreciation of beauty so much more…and the secret of secrets, is to allow us to understand those many conditions we hold over our hearts IS the very thing that will suddenly open to an understanding that it is only ever us that hold them…so that we can understand what unconditional love ISN’T…so that we will finally ‘let go’ all those conditions we bind ourselves with, and finally see unconditional love in all its glory. Jesus did this very thing on the cross, truly suffered for us all, to go beyond this conditional world and into that unconditional one, the destiny that awaits us. You know the one I speak of, where we cannot go another step…and finally let go completely to enter into the hope, faith and trust of His love. And yes, we are both alive and kicking…but ever changed by where we have been to find us within the beauty of this journey. And yes, it too tested us…and found us even more alive in that love. Big hugs and I love you both. Be well and be free Karla, in that love you have found 😀❤️🙏

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      2. Awww, the secret, Mark, I you nailed it!…”so that we can understand what unconditional love ISN’T…so that we will finally ‘let go’ all those conditions we bind ourselves with, and finally see unconditional love in all its glory. Jesus did this very thing on the cross, truly suffered for us all, to go beyond this conditional world and into that unconditional one, the destiny that awaits us.” We loveeeee you! Greasy hands and all! 🥰🙏🏻🎶💪🏻🦓

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  17. Good morning Karla! What a wonderful post! How wonderful it was to see all the photos.
    Health concerns are a major of interest for everyone on all sides of the fence.
    I know you understand that we care and love you very much dear heart. hugs, Eddie

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    1. Thank you, Eddie, so much for your kindness and never ending encouragement! Health is such a huge part of our lives. I feel all the love and care and feel the same way of you too! Stay safe my friend!

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  19. I love you, Karla and I love seeing a post from you. I am excited that you are returning to third grade, the children will be delighted. Please let me know how I might be able to see you, I deleted FB in January. God is faithful and every promise is true! Sending hugs to you and Finley 💕🙌🏻🎶🙏🏻☕️🌷💛🤗

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    1. I love you, Pam. Thank you for being you and the prayers that you and Butch say for me! You’ve been in my mind with flowers, the cottage, your family, the precious grands, and Butch 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. I think you can find the show on YouTube, Pam. I’m like you, I don’t have FB. I bet we can find a way. I’ll investigate. God is always faithful! Amen! I hope you feel our love and hugs! 🌻💕💚💛🥰❤️☕️🎶🎶🦓🦓

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    1. Michele, I appreciate your sweet spirit, friendship, and kindness so very much! You’re a light in this world. Thank you for being here and I’m so glad you enjoyed this! And for wishes for tomorrow 💕❤️💛🤍

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    1. Manette, that is so kind! Thank you so much! It means a lot to me that you watched it; even more, your love, support, friendship, prayers, and encouragement! It was a wonderful experience this morning. Thank you for sharing the link 💕❤️ love and prayers 🙏🏻💕

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    1. Oh, Joy! I can guarantee that 💯 percent strength is God and the extra is a mixture of the grit and strength I’ve mustered and the bunch of beautiful human “batteries” that are my back up! You’re a battery, Joy! 🤪💕 sounds crazy, but I do love all the power people are providing! I thank you from my singing soul (yep! Our song! 🎶🎶🎶) love you!! 💕

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  29. Darling Karla, sorry we have been out of touch.. I haven’t had time to read you but liked and will catch up later. I do hope good news is on the horizon. And i still want your books. as soon as things settle i’m on it. back soon.. love you so much! 💗

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    1. Cindy, I’m so proud of your book! I couldn’t respond but so happy to see you here! Cindy, thank you for reminding me about books. I had a couple of months I got behind on email. I’ll find you my friend. Your coaching gifts and lifetime of guiding others, and writing, is the heart of this celebration! Yay! Much love and light! ❤️💕💛🩵🤍🌷🥰

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      1. Oh K.L I’m soooo happy and thrilled to know. Yes, I can’t believe it’s been that long but Im so happy you are doing ok and I’m going to read up soon. That is sooo kind of you to say. Thanks so much and I do want your books. Come to the launch party if you can!! ❣️ I’d love it! 😘

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