Process, Progress, and Prayers

On By K.L. HaleIn Essay, inspiration

It’s a look I have. My brows furrow and the line, aka “wrinkle”, between my eyes is embedded. To some, I might look angry. Others that know me will assume I’m thinking. I’m processing. I’m wondering.

As a child, I was curious about everything. How does that work? Why does that happen? Why is that a belief? Why? What? Where? When? How? Asking questions came naturally. This worked well going to school for as many years as I did. In the last 10 years of my life asking questions has been met, at times, with defensiveness, doubt, skepticism, and anger. But fortunately, there are times they are answered with respect, kindness, and understanding of my curiosity. We live in a fast-paced world where technology processes things so quickly humans feel they must do it too. It’s taken me a week to process something HUGE in my life. Actually, my life may depend on it.

One week ago my family, Finn, and I sat at my kitchen table to ZOOM with a leading oncology surgeon in the field of neuroendocrine cancer. Dr. Liu is the founder of the Neuroendocrine Cancer Center at the Rocky Mountain Cancer Center in Denver, Colorado. He and a NET patient, Cindy Lovelace, co-founded the Healing NET Foundation. https://www.thehealingnet.org/ Remember that look I get? It did include a big smile when we heard the confidence in Dr. Liu’s ability to perform surgery on me. He sees cancer through a different lens. It was a new focus. A new understanding. He listened with empathy, kindness, curiosity, and professionalism. There is a lot to process. There are risks. None of us are typical. We might share things that make us “typical” in the ways we do life. But we are each our own separate soul, body, and brain. We each have unique “conditions” that apply to any situation. Dr. Liu and I are barely touching the surface of a doctor/patient relationship. Through my processing (which DID include a fast celebration coupled with quick concern and a side of skepticism) I know that time is STILL on my side. Yesterday I met with an oncologist who immediately asked, “Why would he operate when it has spread so far and you have stage IV?” I replied, “To give me more time and help with the symptom burden.”

This Thursday I’ll meet with my original oncologist. I’m certain we will sit and process things together. He and one other surgical oncologist I now have both agree that surgery is not something they can perform. That has been thoroughly processed and I completely understand and respect their decision. Because of a caring community and friends, I have a start to get there. My next treatment will be after Thanksgiving. Cancer will not take my peace. I’m going to trust the process…and this promise:

Progress

The gas tank was full, my tires rotated, the oil changed, and my body, was mostly, pain-free. It was worth the nearly 3-hour drive. With tears, music, podcasts, and a furry girl by my side (I’m talking about Finley;-)) I felt freedom. I didn’t have cancer. “Grammy K, Grammy K!” Huge hugs, lunches, snowflakes, memories, and time I’ll never take for granted. There’s another driveway waiting on me…it’s a long drive at another time. Will I be able to do it? I’ll not overthink it and go one day at a time. The pain may not go away. I’ll push through it and listen to rest. For every 6 weeks, I can count on two “good” ones. I’ll take it.

Prayers

God, I love you for all you are and for every blessing in my life. For every broken dream or promise, you have never failed. What means the most to you? To love you and others. It’s not always easy. It takes forgiveness, understanding, gentleness… and amputation of pride. There’s nothing to process when it comes to you. It’s not complicated. You offer companionship with two-way communication. You love us as we are. Family & friends, I pray over you. I pray over tragedies, injustice, and hate. I’m praying for your situations, your families, your struggles, and your joys. Here’s another prayer-“Lord, keep me laughing. Help me to find joy in the day-to-day. For every tear give me something that tickles me.” We don’t have to look far to find the problems…help me probe the promises and the practical that’s praiseworthy.”

Have faith 💚

The family road is paved with love.

K.L. Hale

Pic by K.L. Hale

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77 thoughts on “Process, Progress, and Prayers”

  1. Susan Gillen

    Amen sister! Jesus help you in this health process, praying and peace! Lovely post and potentially scary until we lay it all at the foot of the cross! One of my go-to, middle of the night prayer is: Almighty God we give you thanks for these and all thy blessings; you live and reign forever & ever. Amen. I believe to enjoy the beauty in this life where it is – where we can find it…is to start with being grateful and thankful for the good and letting the rest go. You’re an inspiration on those skills! For me, that’s why you’re a blessing to so many folks!! It’s the only way to go. it’s what Jesus wants. it’s what we’re supposed to do, as far as I understand! I love you and I’m sending lots of prayers your way and much love! XO, Sue

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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    1. Sue, thank you! Your night prayer is beautiful. “I believe to enjoy the beauty in this life where it is – where we can find it…is to start with being grateful and thankful for the good and letting the rest go.”…wise and beautiful words! I love you too and continue praying that you’re future tests and health yield nothing but goodness! Xo

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  4. I love your attitude of curiosity towards your cancer. You seem to have a great team around you as well Karla which I’m grateful for. Lovely to hear from you my friend, keep checking in, so many in this community look forward to hearing from you and grow concerned when we do not. Big love to you X

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    1. It’s so good to “see” you, Kate. It means so much. I’m definitely excited about the growing team. My curiosity continues to teach me. I hope to never lose it. I’m amazed at good days, and equally amazed when the bottom falls out and I can barely move. It’s a new normal I’m learning to navigate. Are you well? Big love to you and I pray you are!

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      1. Yes Karla – well in comparison to what you are going through anyway though I have had the seasonal flu and what not – tried to keep my whining to myself – unfortunately just not that stoic. Unfortunately my husband had it worse, or seemed to because of course he had the dreaded man flu (which I caught from him but somehow it became the far less serious woman flu when it entered my system 😂)

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      2. Kate, you never whine! The flu is horrible! We all have sicknesses and I understand that for certain! You made me laugh out loud at the “far less serious woman flu” 😷 🤒 😂❤️💕

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  5. Dear Karla, you are such an encourager and your faith in God will allow you more time to be a blessing to self, family, friends and your blogging family. Thank you for sharing your health journey and experience and so much love.

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    1. Thank you, Tangie. What encouraging comments to me. It feels good to be able to share this journey. Your journey has been an inspiration and it’s a blessing to be a part of this community with you. 💕💛🙏🏻

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  6. Karla that IS a lot to process! Surgery is a big step. I will pray for your medical team to have the wisdom and skill to do what is most beneficial for you!! Hope has already loaded here and I’m pouring some out on you in prayers… ❤ ❤ ❤

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  9. Karla, you’re an encouragement to many by allowing the light of Christ to shine through you amid your present battle. Thank you for the inspiration!

    Father God, give Karla extraordinary wisdom and discernment with the decisions before her. Bring unity to her family and confident peace in Karla’s choice. Father, impart Your grace and compassion through the medical team. I pray You will bless Karla’s nights with sweet rest, let her see some beauty in each day, and overwhelm her with Your love. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

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    1. What a beautiful prayer, Manette. Thank you for affirming the goals of what I’m trying to do. Recently a friend wrote about us all being “cracked” with flaws. It’s through those cracks I hope the light continues to shine. It would be easier to just give up…I’m so thankful I don’t have that attitude, although treatments have their own impacts,…for it’s in the whispers through songs, images, nature, and various other ways that God used to give me direction. It’s identical to reading from my devotion each morning and a verse hits straight to the heart of my matter. Thank you for being a prayer warrior! 💕🙏🏻

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  10. What a road dear lady, and as scary as it can be, through it I know there is such a profound love. There will be nothing that this world can throw at you afterwards. You’ve already been there, you have touched that beauty that is what you truly are ❤️
    Huge, huge hugs kind lady, many prayers and blessings that you will indeed be standing in that light down here and be able to give yourself and to others from that very place. Go in that love Karla, always 😀❤️🙏🏽

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  12. Wow! I’m both overjoyed and perplexed for you! Options are wonderful- they give us power, control, autonomy- things we all crave. But they also complicate things and give us cause to fret and stress, as decisions have to be made. The most beautiful thing, to me in these situations, is that God sees the future. He is outside of time, so He is already there. He knows what road you will walk. He’s prepared it and He is both with you now and already where you will be. You won’t take one step without Him, my friend. Isn’t that incredible? I hope that blesses you like it does me.

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    1. Mama, what beautiful and wise thoughts. Thank you so much. It is such a blessing to know I don’t take a step without God there. I’m praying for such discernment and wisdom for the next step. I know it will be revealed! Blessings to you and your family. 💛

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  13. You are a dear heart! Full of love! A love that continues to grow and spread
    amongst us. This love is one that helps us understand the nature of our own being.
    Yes you are a teacher! Don’t we already know? You help us learn about our body.
    Helps us grow. sending big hugs, Eddie

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  14. Karla; I am so excited to hear that you have found someone who shared the same positive outlook you do. Thanks for this beautiful post and update. I am sure it takes a lot of your precious energy to write and keep us posted, but it probably provides its own form of therapy, too.

    You continue to be in my prayers. We serve a mighty God who can do all things!

    Russell

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    1. Russell, thank you for your thoughtful words. Writing is a form of therapy for sure~and the energy is something to “muster” and when I’m able to write it empties the swirling in my soul! I spend my mornings in THE WORD and also hearing and reading words from friends and others that God places to help me discern and just…to enjoy! I’m praying that today’s visit will be a divine direction in helping me decide the next step! I hope you are both, and your families, staying well and blessed!

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    1. Lisa, that is so kind. I appreciate you so much. “I’ll walk this walk with you”…that’s beautiful. It reminds me of a plaque given by my best friend, Kim, I keep on my dresser that says I’ll walk this path with you (you’re not alone) and I’ll bring snacks (I can hear you giggling). You came into my life to direct my writing in a way I had hoped,…this pause had me confused; but undoubtedly, we know who is leading the way. Thank you for your friendship and inspiring me and being here. I love you, too. 💕

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  16. Ginger Salvatore

    Karla, you may have been given an early Christmas gift! At the very least, you’ve been given the hope of a life-changing gift. A gift that will not just add years to your life, but make those years more comfortable.

    I don’t know what I would do if I were in this same situation, but I know you will research this and ask questions until the cows come home! I expect nothing less of you.

    You seem to have a very professional health care team who weigh everything several times before they make a decision. Frustrating perhaps, but necessary.

    My prayers join yours as you proceed into this continuing journey as you try to find your way to a new and healthy you.

    By the way, it touched my heart that Finley was included on the Zoom conference call! That sweet girl is very much a part of your family. And she felt all the emotions swirling around your kitchen table. Give the sweetheart smoochie kisses, hugs and a loooong belly rub from me!

    Stay strong my friend. You have a new focus now to get your teeth into. A new focus and new hope and determination. You have grit girl! It will serve you well.

    And no, the fat lady still isn’t able to sing! 🤗 Ginger

    Sent from my iPad

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    1. Ginger, I always enjoy your feedback and thoughts! Hope is the most amazing gift ever! You nailed me very well~”but I know you will research this and ask questions until the cows come home!” And….when I hear them moo I’ll keep asking..lol. Those new focuses give me longer pauses now. It takes a bit longer to weed through the “this is helpful, but not necessary” thoughts. That’s so sweet to mention Finley. Truly, Dr gave her an “Aww”. She’s my little soul sidekick. I can’t imagine life without one! I’m pausing to rub her itty bitty belly for you (she appears much larger in pics, lol). And of course smooches! Thank you for encouraging me all the time, Ginger! 🐾💕🥰

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    1. M.B., I’m thinking of you as I look at your beautiful book on my table and knowing you’re keeping me in your prayers. I’m so glad my faith can be an inspiration! I pray for others to share that faith! Keep on my friend! 💕

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    1. Aww 🥰 thank you so much! Deep enough, wide enough, and big enough! I love it! Julie Dibble shared that I now have a Stage 4 LOVE from God (your comment made me think how BIG)!!! I appreciate you and your support! 💪🏻💕🥰

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    1. I’m so glad it’s an encouragement, Pam. I think of you and Butch often and please tell him thank you as well. I’m already picturing all of you around your Thanksgiving feast like my family will do. I love you too. I know God has this! And all of us! 💕💕🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🥰🥰🥰

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  24. Dear Karla,

    For some reason I’m having trouble leaving a comment on your site. Don’t worry. It’s me. Not your site. This has been happening. I need to look into it.

    I have the same quizzical furrow between my brows. When I was a little girl, people would say, “Stop frowning! It’s going to stay that way.” Then I’d frown harder. 😄 What can I say? I was a shy, serious, curious little girl with a big imagination. Now I’m just an older version of that. With a permanent line in the middle of my forehead.

    And my brow furrowed as I read about your pain. Although it’s quite obvious God’s beauty and light shines all the brighter through you and your words, and that lights up my spirit, and I know God’s ways aren’t our ways, it still hurts…I don’t want you to have pain.

    One day I hope we can sit and talk, I’ll tell you about my mom’s journey. It wasn’t easy, but oh my goodness she revealed God’s glory in ways that were purely breathtaking. Like you. She touched so many lives. Like you.

    You are an inspiration to me this snowy afternoon as the evening is starting to set in. You have brought such peace into our home. And warmth.

    I am sending love and prayers. I sure hope you get this.

    Deb

    deborah w farris, writer http://www.debfarris.com

    >

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    1. Debra,…I’m so happy to find your beautiful words. They gave me tears. It’s always comforting when others can find situations relatable. It’s such an amazing part of getting older~having experiences which others might have had in their lifetimes. It would be a joy to sit and visit about the angelic revelations through your Mom. And to be compared to that is an honor. It warms my heart that I can provide that same warmth to you. I’m sending you love and hugs, Deb. I’m so sorry about the gremlins in the WP comment section. I understand! May you all have a blessed and amazing Thanksgiving. 💕💛🙏🏻

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  25. Gotta love a doctor with confidence and a friend with encouragement and prayers! Thank you, Karla, for being that friend and for your inspiring perspective and for shining your light (and faith) exactly where so many of us need it. Love you so much, and saying continued prayers for your body, mind, and spirit.

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    1. I love you so much too, Crystal. I’ve made some tough decisions since this post. God can speak in some very amazing ways! Your prayers are so appreciated. I believe it’s the prayers from everyone that is keeping me “lifted”! May Thanksgiving be a blessing sweet friend! 💛🙏🏻🙏🏻💛

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  26. Oh my, so much to consider and decide. I love the hope. I love the idea of less pain. I love the prospect of more time, more research, more possibilities. I’m praying, cheering, hoping with furrowed brow knowing you will ultimately know what is good and right for you Karla. Thank you for revealing what is truly important by your very example, by meeting us under the arbor of love, and drawing the thin veil aside. All I see now is your pure light. Love you, hugs, C

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    1. C,…these words are so beautiful. It made me tear up. All I pray is to be a light. That’s all I want. …”meeting us under the arbor of love, and drawing the thin veil aside.”….more tears. I love you, C. I feel your love and hugs so much. Thank you ❤️💕💛🥰

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  28. Amen! Karla, our Father walks beside you every day. In fact, He is walking ahead of you at the same time. His grace prepares the way. Praying Father that your almighty presence strengthens Karla when she needs it most. Cover her with the peace that only her Creator can bring. Amen.

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  29. Two things stuck with me from this post:

    1. “Strive for progress and not perfection.” Important for a writer, to keep turning up, and doing a little bit each day.

    2. The image of hope with a loading bar. It can seem like it fluctuates more than we want it to, but God’s guidance ensures hope is always within our reach, and always growing little by little towards where He leads.

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